The Medication Shuffle

It's time for a medication change. My doctor and I were going to do it on my next visit because I had just began another med change (dosage only). However, that's almost two months away, and that is two months I can't be like the way I am now. I've been taking Anafranil, of the older TCA class of antidepressants. It is also prescribed for OCD and is supposedly the "gold standard" for the treatment of OCD. My personal experience with this med is that when I try to increase the dosage to help control the depression, my obsessions become more difficult to manage. However, I need the increase to control the depression, which of the two, is more threatening for clear reasons.

Even though Effexor is a bear to get off of because of the incapacitating withdrawal symptoms, it had worked very well for me for over 7 years. It is an SNRI, a newer class of antidepressants (with significantly fewer side effects).  Since being off of it, my life seems to have kept going in a continual downward spiral. I just started about 4 days ago and will be titrating the dose up to a therapeutic level and titrating down the Anafranil. The effects of antidepressants can sometimes take a couple of weeks to a couple of months to be noticed.  I'm not certain whether or not is in my mind, but I am beginning to feel slightly more calm (Effexor is also prescribed for Anxiety disorders) and thus the OCD is less severe already. I hope this is a positive indication of things to come.

On Being and Nothingness

One week left to go for the Blogathon! I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Seriously. When I'm feeling well, I can make a decent post every now and then. But when I'm feeling unwell, it's difficult to stay focused. Like, this last week I've been obsessing over the question "Why is there something as opposed to nothing?". This is a question that science can not answer at the moment, or possibly never will. It belongs in the realm of Theists and Philosophers. Can you imagine nothing?

And, I know this to be the case, yet the question pervades my every atom. It resonates within me, like I may be able to do something about it, or provide an answer. Everyone thinks this at some point in their lives. But, when you get seriously caught up in the moment, you seem to detach from yourself. A feeling of unreality settles in. You may feel like you are in a dream. This is a fleeting glimpse of Depersonalization. And it's been devastating this week, along with the OCD and Depression.

Depersonalization Disorder is this, but every day of your life. At least for me. Over the years, it has gotten better, but when I start thinking deep questions sometimes the Depersonalization gets worse.

The OCD portion of my brain won't let me quiet this thought, or be at peace with it. It ruminates over and over in my mind. I guess if I had a compulsion component to it, it would be researching the question on the internet and reading philosophy books, both of which I do. I will expand on these ideas in a future post, but I want to give it its due attention, so I will ease away for now.