There are multiple purposes for this blog. First, I'd like to share with you how mental illness can interfere with or enhance the writer's life. Second, I want to explore a more disciplined approach to the writing life. This blog will hold me accountable as I navigate story throughout my battle with mental illness.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

On Being and Nothingness

One week left to go for the Blogathon! I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Seriously. When I'm feeling well, I can make a decent post every now and then. But when I'm feeling unwell, it's difficult to stay focused. Like, this last week I've been obsessing over the question "Why is there something as opposed to nothing?". This is a question that science can not answer at the moment, or possibly never will. It belongs in the realm of Theists and Philosophers. Can you imagine nothing?

And, I know this to be the case, yet the question pervades my every atom. It resonates within me, like I may be able to do something about it, or provide an answer. Everyone thinks this at some point in their lives. But, when you get seriously caught up in the moment, you seem to detach from yourself. A feeling of unreality settles in. You may feel like you are in a dream. This is a fleeting glimpse of Depersonalization. And it's been devastating this week, along with the OCD and Depression.

Depersonalization Disorder is this, but every day of your life. At least for me. Over the years, it has gotten better, but when I start thinking deep questions sometimes the Depersonalization gets worse.

The OCD portion of my brain won't let me quiet this thought, or be at peace with it. It ruminates over and over in my mind. I guess if I had a compulsion component to it, it would be researching the question on the internet and reading philosophy books, both of which I do. I will expand on these ideas in a future post, but I want to give it its due attention, so I will ease away for now.

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